


Hoʻokahi Kukui (One Candle)

by lcdrsuperseal



Series: Legacy [3]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Honestly Just Pure Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, One Shot, Steve's Pov, Steve's letter to his girl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 19:03:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcdrsuperseal/pseuds/lcdrsuperseal
Summary: Today was your very first birthday, and I’m having a little trouble processing that if I’m honest. I was both excited and scared when I invited our friends and family to your birthday party, and the thought of telling random people who see us in the street and ask me how old you are, ‘She’s one. My daughter’s one.’. Even now, it’s hard to own something that still doesn’t feel real.Steve writes a letter on the night of his daughter's first birthday. Steve's POV.





	Hoʻokahi Kukui (One Candle)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by something a saw on FB. Quick oneshot, unbeta'd like always so all mistakes are my fault. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Part of my 'Legacy' series, guess it could be read alone but may make more sense for backstory if you've read the other 2 stories first. :)

Sarah,

I read an article about a woman who wrote a letter to her son for him to open on his 18th birthday, so I thought I’d give it a try.

Today was your very first birthday, and I’m having a little trouble processing that if I’m honest. I was both excited and scared when I invited our friends and family to your birthday party, and the thought of telling random people who see us in the street and ask me how old you are,  _ ‘She’s one. My daughter’s one.’ _ . Even now, it’s hard to own something that still doesn’t feel real.

For the last year of your life I expected the wonderment of being your father would wear off, that it would be buried under a mountain of dirty onesies and all these toys that are somehow vitally important. But now, after twelve months of diapers, round-the-clock feeding (sorry for passing on my love of food, but you’d get that from Danno anyway) and nighttime battles and snuggles and learning something new every day, I’ve realised that it never will. Your first year has felt both long and short, an eternity that has flown by, like entering foreign territory but also feeling like I’d walked through my front door. And my love for you, my beautiful girl, keeps on growing almost as fast as you are.

I remember, a few weeks after Danno and I brought you home, a friend asked me how fatherhood was treating me. I said, “It’s wonderful,” because it was. But I left out the fact that I was, and still am, utterly obsessed with you. I marvelled at your every move and breath as I tried to make sense of the fact that I had created you, a  _ living person _ . You were a part of me, and yet totally your own unique, perfect self. The fact that not only was I a father, but I was  _ your  _ father, kept me up at night for the first six months even when you were sound asleep.

Despite the lack of sleep, I’ve tried to make the most of every minute because every parenting book and everyone I know warned me that this part would be gone before I knew it. They were right, but it wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows. When you were in the NICU in Afghanistan - which, for the record, is a place that you will never go to - was definitely a whirlwind of emotions. It was all a bit of a blur at first, but I’m desperate to not let those memories slip away. It was where you were born, where I met you and held you for the first time, but I was also angry with your mom for keeping you from me and planning to give you away. But we can talk about that when you’re older - maybe when you read this, or maybe even older than that.

Right now, you’re at a stage that I wish you’d stay at forever. It’s so fun, but I bet that the ones that follow are just as good. You laugh so much and your giggle sounds like a cackle, and it’s so infectious - even when someone’s having a bad day all they have to do is hear your laughter and it’s like a crack in their wall. That stuffed seal toy goes wherever you go, even though at one point it was the same size as you, and my heart melts every time you squeeze it. You are downright hilarious, high spirited and silly, but also so smart. You’ve started copying little things that Danno and I are doing, hand gestures and expressions, and I can’t wait to see what else you pick up from us. Danno’s just pointed out that  _ he _ can’t wait for you to stop biting, and here I have to agree.

But all good things must come to and end, and here we are at the end of your first year. This year I’ve learned that being a dad isn’t as frightening as I thought it would be, that you get more beautiful with each passing day, and that years of light sleeping in the Navy trained me well for those nighttime feeds. I no longer sit beside you for every nap, watching your chest rise and fall with each breath you take. You’re more interested at what’s on my plate than what is on the spoon in front of you; and be prepared for serious debates about pizza, Danno is very passionate about it and will try and get you on his side. You’ve just started talking, Grace thinks you’ll be on your feet any day now, and I’ll get you practising the shaka just in time for kindergarten (Danno’s rolling his eyes at me but I’ve reminded him that we live in Hawaii and everyone does it).

Feeling your warm, chubby body melt into my arms as I continue to write this (having a baby means getting well versed in doing a lot of things with one hand), I know that I mean ultimate comfort to you, and I never want you to lose that. Watching you dance at the drop of a tune with your now signature moves, hearing you roar with laughter at the most random of things, being the recipient of your sweet, slobbery, open-mouthed kisses - I never want to miss out on a single part of you. Maybe I’m writing these words to leave my legacy, since life can be short and unfair.

 

You mean everything to me, and that will never change. 

 

All my love, forever and always,

Your Daddy


End file.
